Do You Feel Unlovable? (part five)
WHAT IS IT ABOUT BABIES?
What is it about babies that make them so lovable?
I have to admit, whenever I see a new born baby I am just smitten! And watch out parents, if you dare to put your sweet little bundle in my arms you may start to wonder if you'll ever get them back.
It doesn't matter if they're fussy or crying. I don't care if they spit up on me or need me to change their stinking diaper. I just love babies. And since becoming a grandmother, I have 7 incredible gkids!!!! And I am experiencing a whole new level of giddy in my life.
But here's the deal. What makes babies so darn lovable?
I mean, think about it! They cry all the time, they keep you up half the night, they need you to wipe their stinky bottoms multiple times per day, they spit up all over your best dress, they contribute nothing tangible and you have to basically put your whole life on hold while you invest EVERYTHING in them! Let's face it! Babies are lots and lots of work,
What did they ever do to DESERVE your love?
I would say...absolutely NOTHING!!!
And yet... they are so lovable.
Some people, surprising to me, are just not into babies. They don't get what the whole fuss is all about. Hand them your wiggly little bundle of squishy and they will push them right back at you. Nothing would induce them to actually choose to become a parent.
For those kinds of people, I ask...
What have babies done to make them underserving of your affection?
Again, I would say... absolutely NOTHING!!!
Sometimes we are attracted to people who don't know what it means to love. They may not know how to love. We get frustrated when they don't love us and we begin to think that WE are unlovable when in fact WE have nothing to do with it. Just like the babies I just mentioned. WE did nothing to make us unlovable.
If we were neglected or abused as children we often think that it was because WE were unlovable. We think, "If only I had been able to be what they wanted me to be. If only I had been the boy that they wanted instead of a girl. If only I was more academic instead of artistic. If only I a better kid and didn't keep getting into trouble." And we carry these thoughts into our adult lives and think that we are are the problem, that we have always been the problem. We become attracted to others who don't know how to love us because it's what we have become accustomed to and it reinforces our belief that WE are unworthy of true affection.
Let me tell you this right now.
YOU are not the problem!
Did you read that?
Did you get that into your heart?
Let me say it again.
YOU are NOT the problem!!!
YOU are lovable.
How do I know that? Because EVERYONE is lovable...EVERYONE!!! Even YOU!
Surrounding ourselves with people who have the capacity to love us is vitally important. If you continue to stay in relationships with people you tear you down then you will continue to believe that it's your fault.
Just like people who either love babies or don't love babies. It's not you about you.
WHETHER you are loved is based on the character of the one giving the love. Let me say that again. WHETHER you are loved is based solely on the character of the person giving the love. If they do not have the capacity to love, or if you are not their type, that says nothing about you as an individual. There is nothing you can do about that.
HOW you are loved is based on YOUR character. That means that, if I love you but you continue to resist my love, then I must adjust my behavior for the good of the relationship. If you yell at me or abuse me, then I may need to walk away. If you are unreasonably jealous then I might get frustrated. But if you trust me then I have the liberty to be vulnerable and open with you. Does that make sense?
If you are still feeling unlovable, contact me and we will talk.