Do You Feel Unlovable? (part four)
UNLOVABILITY AND LONELINESS, THE COCONSPIRATORS:
When one feels unlovable it can often lead to chronic loneliness as well. Sadly, you could have a hundred friends. You could be the most popular girl in your group. You may even be the most respected employee in your field and still be incredibly lonely.
That's because loneliness is not a state of being as much as it is a state of mind.
So what is one to do?
These steps to conspire against loneliness are sure to help.
* Recognize that loneliness is a state of mind. As you learn how to reframe your thoughts and then take action on those thoughts you should begin to see your feelings of loneliness diminish. While this may be difficult to achieve on your own, the use of Cognitive Behavior Therapy in coaching sessions can be quite helpful here.
* Understand that those who hurt you in the past did so because of who THEY are, not because of who YOU are. You did nothing to deserve the pain that was inflicted upon you. No one deserves to be abused, bullied or harassed. If this happened to you and it has caused you to distrust then coaching may help you to grow from your experience rather than be stuck in self-loathing.
* Open yourself up to developing close personal relationships with people that you feel you can truly be yourself around. Research shows that just a handful of close intimate friends can reverse the effects of loneliness.
* Doing community service work or serving others needs has a way of lifting the spirits, making one feel more valuable and is an opportunity to meet quality people with like interests. The truest way to feel loved is to love others without expectation of anything in return.
* Once you have developed some quality relationships learn to think positively about those relationships. This is another area where coaching could be beneficial. Research shows that lonely people have a tendency to have negative thoughts concerning their relationships. Coaching can help to reframe those thoughts for a brighter outcome.
* Finally, learn to accept yourself as a lovable, valuable, and worthy human being. Learning to love yourself is the first step in learning to love others. How can you "love others as you love yourself" if you don't know how to love yourself in the first place? Don't think you can do that? Contact me. You are more lovable than you know.