Do You Feel Unlovable? (part two)
DO YOU FEEL UNLOVABLE?
Does it keep you from making friends easily?
Yep! Me too!
One of the most difficult things for me to do was to pick up that dreaded phone to call a friend or, God forbid, a potential friend to schedule getting together! UGH!!!
I swear! I had a phone phobia for probably 40 years!!!
So thankful for texting!
What will I say?
What will I do when there's that awkward silence?
I'm probably interrupting something that they would rather be doing.
Why would they want to talk to me anyway?
I'm just fooling myself into thinking they could like me?
What if they're with a REAL friend when I call? How mortifying!!!
OK, I'll text instead. That won't be so frightening.
Oh dear, they're taking way too long to get back to me. I'm probably annoying them.
Maybe they're having a hard time thinking of an excuse.
Oh! Forget it! I'd rather just sit and watch Survivor reruns anyway.
I once had a friend who told me about her "ministry friend". I'd never heard that term before and asked her what that meant. She said, "Oh, you know So and So? Well, it's not that I particularly like her. In fact she kind of annoys me. But I know that she's awkward socially and lonely so I've chosen to befriend her as my ministry." UGH!!! You could have driven a train through my open mouth at that moment. All I could think was, "Am I her ministry friend too? How would I know if I was or wasn't? I'm sure that 'So and So' doesn't have any ideal that she is a ministry." Oh, the insecurity I felt at that moment. For years after I wondered if any friend that I had really appreciated me for me or if they were just putting up with me for some other purpose.
This dialogue may sound ridiculous to a lot of people but for those who feel insecure and have a hard time making friends you probably know it all too well. But you are worthy of love and quality friendships. If you're not sure about that then skip back to my previous post to discover what makes you lovable. Once you've reframed your thinking it's time to take action steps to solidify it.
Maybe this exercise will help.
Think to yourself,
"What do lovable people do to make friends?"
"How would I act if I felt confident and lovable?"
Think it through and write your ideas down in a list.
I would call or text people on the phone
I would make a lunch date with a hopeful friend
I would ask training advice from the lady at the dog park
I would write a note to my server from last night and tell her how I appreciated her service
I would ask the grocery clerk about there vacation plans
What else can you think of?
Write your thoughts down.
Choose something from your list that feels SAFE enough for you to do and do it.
Do it today.
Tomorrow, and each day this week, pick another thing from your list.
It can be the same as before or different. It doesn't matter.
But it must address a different person each time.
One week from today, choose one person that you reached out to and follow up on your initial contact. You can just send a short note to say you enjoyed your conversation or ask them out for coffee if you haven't connected yet. But KEEP IT SAFE for you. Don't jump into the deep end yet.
Can you do this every week for the next month?
At the end of the month, if you haven't connected with anyone yet, now would be a good time to do so. Ask someone to coffee, go dog walking together or offer to walk their dog for them. Whatever!
This will feel uncomfortable at first. I know.
But in time you will see a marked difference
in how you see yourself.
You will grow in confidence
And as you make friends you will see a marked difference in how others see you too.
Does this sound scary to you?
I know. I was scared at first too.
But I've got your back.
Would you like some help? Contact me. We're in this together!