Do You Feel Unlovable? (part one)
DO YOU EVER FEEL UNLOVABLE?
I know I do.
Honestly, unlovability is something that I have struggled with my entire life. I long for deep intimate relationships but because I don’t feel worthy of anyone’s love I find myself doing things that sabotage my efforts of developing those close friendships. I talk myself out of calling a friend, sure that I will be a bother. I curl up on the couch and watch endless episodes of survivor longing for those dysfunctional relationships that I see on the screen over none at all. And yet, I do nothing to nurture the healthy relationships that I already have. The more I long for deeper relationships the more insecure I become and in turn the more secluded. It’s a catch 22 that can spiral into bouts of loneliness and depression.
Friday I was experiencing a bit of that after a peer coaching call that dealt with grief. I recently lost both my father and father-in-law within weeks of each other. That was particularly hard for me and my thoughts sent me into feelings of loneliness, unworthiness and self-loathing. I had convinced myself that my father never loved me and therefore I must be unlovable. But Mark, that wonderful man, reminded me to think about all the qualities that make me lovable. Interesting that he didn’t just tell me what those qualities are. He made me think it through myself, speak them out loud and write them down. At first it was painful. I couldn't think of a thing. But he wouldn't let me get away with that. Eventually I began speaking them out.
"Well, I guess I'm a pretty compassionate person... If you have a need and tell me what it is I am there in a heartbeat... I'm a fun, happy person to be around (except right now, of course)... If someone is sick or has a baby or is shut in I love to bless them with flowers, a homemade meal from scratch with dessert and wine and a gift and I bring it all in a beautiful basket (yeah, I'm a little over the top when it comes to giving). I love my grandchildren. You will often see me skipping down the street with them or building a dam in the creek or baking cookies with them or teaching them a craft... I work to help transform peoples lives!!!"
Soon, I was beaming inside and feeling so grateful that I have the love and friendship of this quality man and that there are many things about me that are lovable not only to him but especially to me.
And think about it. The very fact that I am loved by him makes me lovable! But even if I didn't have him, I am still a beautiful human being worthy of love because I can love and appreciate me!
Do you ever feel unlovable?
Then remind yourself of the person or people who love you. What do they love about you? What do you appreciate about yourself. If you can't think of anything then ask someone to get you started, write them down and speak them out loud daily.
Because you ARE worthy of love.
You ARE lovable! 💕
YOU are loved.
Contact me if you are ready to move forward.
BTW, Mark planted these flowers for me the next day just as a reminder. They make my heart smile. 🌸